Writer's Panic

While for everything there may be a season, late December is the season for many things: celebrating holiday cheer and lamenting over-indulgence, gathering with loved ones and missing absent friends, reflecting on accomplishments and mulling over regrets. Cold and flu season is also upon us, along with other aliments peculiar to writers—the dreaded Writer’s Block and the far more virulent Writer’s Panic.

So far, I have managed to fend off colds and the Block with vitamin C and caffeine, reliable remedies for keeping breathing and ideas in free-flow. However, while eluding the flu, I have succumbed to the Panic. The novel I began writing with such passion months ago, promising myself to complete by year’s end, is not half done. Ghosts of Literature Courses Past hover and haunt me. Shakespeare’s Richard II whispers in my ear: “I wasted time, and now doth time waste me . . .”

What happened? Where did the year go? In part and in whole, it was consumed by the trivial and the profound, by chores and errands, by pleasures and obligations, by the day-job, and by labors of love for loved ones. My thanks to Tennyson’s Ulysses for providing some comfort: “I am a part of all that I have met”, and all experience is material when writers are in pursuit of that gleaming “untravell’d world, whose margin fades /For ever and for ever when I move.”

On the threshold of a new year, I force myself to pause amid agitation and glance backward at the ways writing has shaped my past and present. My writing life is the familiar of my lived life. Again and again, I have been deeply affected by the circumstances of characters. While a heroine was slowly poisoned, I drooped and languished in the library. After typing up the evil deeds I had goaded an antagonist to perform, I washed my hands with the scalding ferocity of Lady Macbeth. Choosing writing over housework, wandering through the dusty rooms cluttered with books and manuscripts and visited by imaginary figures, I have become Dickens’s Miss Havisham, complete with her cob-webbed gown and moldering cake. Yet, through the doorway, past the gatekeepers of doubt and fear, new festivities and adventures await. If only I can harness the Writer’s Panic and give it to my characters, to send them dashing in pursuit of their obsessions.

To writers everywhere, I wish you health, freedom from blocks and panics, and a season of creativity that never ends.
Rosemary Poole-Carter